Laura

Fingerpainting a Masterpiece

2011-11-19T14:53:00.001-06:00

When I try to write, to capture beauty, I feel like I'm a kindergartener trying to fingerpaint the Mona Lisa. It's such a pathetic attempt, but it gives me pleasure to write about things that give me pleasure. So here is a tribute to just a few of the many gifts I've been given by a Father who loves me more than words.

The drone of the highway escapes my consciousness as I gallop on my blue and gray steed. The wheels douse themselves with pavement as my legs begin to burn. I sway rhythmically to keep my balance as my knees rise and fall. It’s like climbing up a mountain and plunging into an abyss, time after time, a perpetual rollercoaster.

I come out of a forested area into a wide open space—it’s as if I’ve stumbled upon God’s entryway. Lofty blue rafters are shrouded by subdued wisps. Brown pillars stripped of their leaves line the distance. At my feet are yellow, hollow stems rustling on either side as a gust shakes them out of sleep. They whisper and chatter as the wind continues to nudge. I eavesdrop, their gossip periodically interrupted by the methodical ticking of my gears. I surge ahead as the breeze lifts me up a knoll and I coast down the other side into the stark woods that line the riverbank. Weaving through the stoic trunks I arrive at the bridge. Putting a last bit of fuel into my weary legs I pedal harder and reach the crest of the bridge.

Pause.

Ears prick.

The highway noise tries to invade my serenity but I push it back. Resting my hands on the wood railing I absentmindedly play with the rusted metal screws as my eyes are pulled to the riverbed. Leaves lie there, waiting to die. Minnows move constantly, searching for something to distract. White rocks line the banks and driftwood dots the avenue. The water glides; stopping to silently swirl in a few eddies before continuing on its path.

Breathing in deep,

I do the same.

Attitude

2011-11-08T18:27:00.001-06:00

I saw this quote recently and really loved it. I'm going to put it up in my classroom to remind myself as well as my students :)

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill. It will make or break a company...a church...a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes. "

Back to School Night!

2011-08-23T19:55:00.000-05:00

Jittery. Clammy. Sweaty. Really sweaty. Not just because it was 103 degrees and the school's not air conditioned. Apprehension. Heart in throat. Pounding. Ok, so I didn't feel all these emotions, but I was a bit nervous. Tonight was out back-to-school night, and I met a whole bunch of parents and a whole bunch of kids. Some kids really need to work on their handshake. Talk about limp fish.
The thing I was most nervous about was conversing in Spanish with native speakers. I mean, I'm supposed to be the Spanish teacher and what if I mess up and they think I'm butchering their language? Thankfully, the ones I communicated with were really nice and understood me even when I wasn't sure about how to explain their schedule... It would've helped if I had looked at a schedule in detail BEFORE they asked me. :)
So even though I sweat through my clothes and kept having to wipe my upper lip, tonight was a success. I met many students, who are all adorable... as of now. :) It reminded me of being at camp and having kids and parents come through and explore... only times 100. :)
When it comes down to it, I'm psyched for Thursday! :D

A Few Random Thoughts...

2011-08-16T20:41:00.000-05:00

#1
Sitting here in the dimming twilight (that word is forever ruined for me. Thanks, Stephanie Meyer), the beginning notes of a symphony started. The crickets started low, and were soon drowned out by the overbearing cicadas. I looked at my tabs on my browser, thinking that I had opened some video or an advertisement popped up. It had started so intentionally. It made me decide that I should propose to the makers of Windows, or Linux, or whatever operating system will give me money, to make it so that when you've been idle from your computer, it begins to chirp like crickets or hum like cicadas. I don't know why but that would be phenomenal.

#2
When I get writer's block, or just get sick of doing homework (or grading or lesson plans, as it may become), I take a shower. Sometimes, I take a shower even when I'm not doing homework, such as when I get done with a grueling Prevention workout (think 50+ aged women) that leaves me dripping with sweat. Anyways, showering is a favorite way to forget about something and to clean myself. Once in a while, I get brilliant thoughts in the shower. Today, I didn't get a brilliant thought. However, I did begin a deep thought that has come back to me throughout the day (that's how I know it's deep... I remember it after 5 minutes).
The thought came about after I started criticizing something that some other person in my family did or didn't do. In this case it was something as petty as not squeegeeing down the shower after using it. To fight mold, or just to make things more work, our rule is that the last person squeegees down the shower. Since the last person was a good few hours ago, it should have been squeegeed, and it appeared to not be squeegeed. I started criticizing the family member who I suspected, until I realized that family member was still asleep. I should've given him more credit.

Now for the deep thought. I should give a lot of people more credit. Or should I? Is it better to give someone a lot of credit, think highly of them, have high standards and expectations for them, only to be disappointed, even betrayed, when they fail? Or is it better to have lower expectations, to NOT give someone much credit, and be pleasantly surprised when they come through? I'm still working on it.

#3
This song makes me want to go back to school and learn French.

Whirlwind Summer

2011-08-11T22:24:00.000-05:00

Because I'm that lazy, or that succinct, I will sum up my summer in one blog post. Naw, I can do better than that. In one word: Blessed.

I started off after graduation with no job, no summer plans, no nothing. It was really hard as I am such a planner and want to know what comes next. I'm not one of those anal people who plan out every hour of their day (although during finals week I sometimes do that, as a motivational tool, not that I actually follow it :), but I like to look forward rather than letting it happen. Well, it happened. No, I know that God had it planned out. In a short month I had a job, at a school a mile from my parents' house. I got to go to Story Book for three weeks where I had the best cabins imaginable! Then a week at Turkey Hill which was a really new experience, but very fun and so rewarding... in my cabin two girls professed to get saved and others received assurance of salvation.

Then, I spent a couple of days at home unpacking, washing, repacking before enjoying a stellar family reunion at Leaf Lake! Pontooning, jet skiing, G Else, cousins, aunts, uncles, FOOD (a given at a Ueland reunion), hammock, volleyball, what a fantastic weekend.

My last adventure was probably my greatest: I got to go back to mi querido Peru for a month! It was so wonderful seeing all of my Peruvian family!! I stayed with my dear chanchita (translate that as.....friend :) and we had a blast! The first two weeks I taught English to all my alumnos from last year, as well as some new ones! Most of them remembered me. :) Then they had two weeks of vacation, and during that time I went to Cajamarca, a city in the mountains of Peru, with two friends. We stayed four days and explored so many new things (see facebook for pictures). Two Inca thumbs way up to Cajamarca. After coming back to Ferrenafe, I just had a couple of days before leaving. Goodbyes are so hard, even if you know you have intentions to return. I can't express how much those people have impacted my life and will continue to. I thank God for the ministry He is doing there and for allowing me to be a small part of it. The Lord is good!

I got back to the States on Monday, and that's when summer really ended for me. Tuesday and Wednesday were workshops for my new job, and now I have to get my room ready as well as plan my first unit that I want to do. I have a ton of freedom but it's a little frustrating to figure out what I want to teach first. But at least I have a choice!

So, that's my summer in one post. Whew. I had no idea what would happen, but God did. You can't plan the end and not plan the means... I'm thankful the Lord knew the end and the means for my summer, and that He knows the end and the means for my entire life.

Pride and Prejudice

2011-05-02T21:42:00.001-05:00

Believe it or not, I just finished reading Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice for the first time! Here are some of the quotes I found very entertaining and/or thought provoking. Because they are taken so out of context, I'm providing page numbers (from an edition that I can't find online):

The more I see of the world, the more dissatisfied I am with it. (133)

Is not general incivility the very essence of love? (139)

Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing, after all (152)

Vanity, not love, has been my folly... til this moment, I never knew myself. (202)

One has got all the goodness, the other all the appearance of it. (217)

Bingley was ready, Georgiana was eager, and Darcy determined, to be pleased. (250)

How little of permanent happiness could belong to a couple who were only brought together because their passions were stronger than their virtue,she could easily conjecture. (296)

Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure (248)

Elizabeth - "You might have talked more when you came to dinner."
Darcy - "A man who had felt less, might." (360)

Has He said, and will He not do it?

2011-04-17T22:22:00.000-05:00

He did not waver at the promise of God through unbelief, but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully convinced that what He had promised He was also able to perform. Rom. 4:20-21

Oh LORD, may I also stand fast on your promises, being strengthened in faith, and giving all the glory to You! I know that You are completely able to do what You said you would do, and that You WILL fulfill Your promises.

Fear not, for I am with you. Be undismayed, for I am your God. I will help you, yes, I will strengthen you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
Is. 41:10

God is not a man that He should lie, nor the son of man that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?
Num. 23:19

Iowa Test of Basic Skill. ITBS.

2011-03-29T17:32:00.000-05:00

That word brings back memories of sharpened pencils, sterile board rooms, maroon swivel chairs, and getting a question wrong on the homophone "meat/meet." Today I got to proctor an ITBS test.

Highlights:

Directing the kids to get up and stretch between tests. I was showing them the old school calesthenics, (you know, crossing an arm over your chest, windmills, arm circles, that stuff). Naw, that was kids' stuff. Instead, these fourth graders started breakdancing, and they were pretty impressive. I was tempted to get out of teacher mode and have them teach me how to do it. Ah, but I had to improve their minds before I improved my breakdancing skills. :)

Getting to recess and finding out that in another teacher's class, an ITBS tester had thrown up ALL OVER the test booklet, answer sheet, and table. I guess a few drops landed on another student's stuff.

During recess, finding out that one kid had thrown up in three different places on the playground.

Discovering from the custodian that he had cleaned up eight vomit incidents by 1:30.

Either the ITBS is as anxiety-producing as the ACT, or the flu's going around. At this point, I don't know which one I want it to be. :)

Jebu-PSYCH!

2011-03-24T18:00:00.001-05:00

You that annoying word, "psych" that people use when they tell you they were fooling you? Example:
Me: Hey Jeff, can you pass me that glass of water?
Jeff: Sure. [extends said glass of water]
Me: Thanks [reaches out]
Jeff: Psych! [pulls back the glass of water and drink it himself]
Yeah, it's annoying. Usually when someone tells you something, you want to be able to believe them. When the children of Israel were set free from Egypt, God made them a promise:

But if you indeed obey His voice and do all that I speak, then I will be an enemy to your enemies and an adversary to your adversaries. For My Angel will go before you and bring you in to the Amorites and the Hittites and the Perizzites and the Canaanites and the Hivites and the Jebusites; and I will cut them off. You shall not bow down to their gods, nor serve them, nor do according to their works; but you shall utterly overthrow them and completely break down their sacred pillars.
Exodus 23:22-24

In essence, God promised the children of Israel complete victory in the Promised Land. They will UTTERLY DESTROY their enemies. Seems kinda harsh, doesn't it? Well, in Deut. chapter 7 God tells them why. First of all, He's using the Israelites to judge these nations for their wickedness. He also tells them the danger of letting them live:

“When the LORD your God brings you into the land which you go to possess, and has cast out many nations before you, the Hittites and the Girgashites and the Amorites and the Canaanites and the Perizzites and the Hivites and the Jebusites, seven nations greater and mightier than you, and when the LORD your God delivers them over to you, you shall conquer them and utterly destroy them. You shall make no covenant with them nor show mercy to them. Nor shall you make marriages with them. You shall not give your daughter to their son, nor take their daughter for your son. For they will turn your sons away from following Me, to serve other gods;
Deuteronomy 7:1-4

Ok, there seems to be some explanation. The Lord delivers them to us, we conquer them, leave nothing. Most of all, definitely not fall in love and marry them. Okay. Got it.

A few chapters later:

As for the Jebusites, the inhabitants of Jerusalem, the children of Judah could not drive them out; but the Jebusites dwell with the children of Judah at Jerusalem to this day. Josh. 15:63

What?! Did God just PSYCH the Israelites? Did He not deliver them into their hands? What went wrong?? I'm thinking that it wasn't God's side that was let down, but the Israelites. They did not press on and drive them out. It's not that the Lord did not deliver the nations up to the Israelites, it's that the Israelites didn't obey the Lord and eradicate them. In fact, those nations must have had pretty good looking daughters. What the Lord warned against happened: they intermarried and ended up serving dead idols instead of the One True God.

Thus the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons; and they served their gods.
Judges 3:5-6

This was a bad, bad, bad idea. Something small, like leaving a few nations in the land (you gotta have servants, after all...) became a very tangled web. They did not convert the nations, the nations converted them to serve their gods. How many times do we let something small stay in our lives? Some impatience with someone, some pride, a little frustration, an unconfessed sin. How soon does that balloon into a massive wall that completely prevents our fellowship with God?

The Jebusites (one of the nations) continued to be a problem, even until David's time. They inhabited Jerusalem and taunted David and said that even the weakest of their people could defeat David and his army. Talk about a thorn in the side. Did David pass by? Did he let that situation smolder? No, "he took the stronghold of Zion."

And the king and his men went to Jerusalem against the Jebusites, the inhabitants of the land, who spoke to David, saying, “You shall not come in here; but the blind and the lame will repel you,” thinking, “David cannot come in here.” Nevertheless David took the stronghold of Zion (that is, the City of David).
2 Sam. 5:6-7

We, like David, must confront those sins that try to get ahold on us. They weave their tentacles so slowly and tenderly we hardly feel it until it chokes us to death. Instead, we need to be pulling down those strongholds, and thanks be to God that we are equipped for battle. The Word of God is our battle weapon. Don't let it get rusty!

Thy mercy..

2011-03-17T11:07:00.001-05:00

I find that my pride gets in the way of everything. It truly is one of the most destructive sins because it permeates every part of life. Sometimes I can get wrapped up in all the things I'm doing, all the strides I'm making in my spiritual walk. <-- that sentence has far too many I's in it. While reading in Deuteronomy, this passage captured my attention:

“Hear, O Israel: You are to cross over the Jordan today, and go in to dispossess nations greater and mightier than yourself, cities great and fortified up to heaven, a people great and tall, the descendants of the Anakim, whom you know, and of whom you heard it said, ‘Who can stand before the descendants of Anak?’ Therefore understand today that the LORD your God is He who goes over before you as a consuming fire. He will destroy them and bring them down before you; so you shall drive them out and destroy them quickly, as the LORD has said to you.
“Do not think in your heart, after the LORD your God has cast them out before you, saying, ‘Because of my righteousness the LORD has brought me in to possess this land’; but it is because of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is driving them out from before you.
It is not because of your righteousness or the uprightness of your heart that you go in to possess their land, but because of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD your God drives them out from before you, and that He may fulfill the word which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Therefore understand that the LORD your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stiff-necked people. Deuteronomy 9:1-6

The Israelites were going in to the land to be the vessels through which the Lord conquers giants. The Israelites themselves weren't selected because of their righteousness. Instead, the Lord was punishing the wicked and perverse nations that would not turn to Him. The Israelites were just being used of the Lord to accomplish His will for those nations. I am just like the Israelites sometimes. I think that the Lord must love me because of all that I do for Him. Nothing could be further from the truth. First of all, the things that I do right are like soiled toilet paper in His eyes:

But we are all like an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are like filthy rags; We all fade as a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away. -Isaiah 64:6

Secondly, it is not because of ANYTHING that I do that He saved me, or that He loves me:

But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior that having been justified by His grace we should become heirs according to the hope of eternal life. Titus 3:4-7

I am thankful for His mercy. That He loved me and gave Himself for me, not because of my merit, but because of His mercy. This song has been in my head recently, and it's so true.

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue.
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
In the covenant love of Thy crucified Son.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.

My heart will be singing of His mercy in the morning, and all day long.

But I will sing of Your power;
Yes, I will sing aloud of Your mercy in the morning;
For You have been my defense
And refuge in the day of my trouble.
Psalm 59:16

A Personal Touch...

2011-03-12T15:02:00.001-06:00

After such a long drought of posting, why not post two in one day. These thoughts have also been on my heart. They started with the verse I referenced in my last post, Deut. 1:31:

and in the wilderness... you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place.

This picture is too beautiful. I have a picture in my mind of a man walking down a dusty road in a barren land. A small boy is by his side, churning his little legs to keep up. Panting and sweating, he heaves his little shoulders up and down. Out of breath, he pulls on the pant leg of his father. He gives a pitiful cry for help, and reaches up his chubby arms. The man bends down and swings the little boy up to his shoulders. Exhausted, the little boy clings to the broad shoulders of his father, and lays his head down on his chest. The pair continues on, one resting, the other carrying a load.
This was the best picture I could find, although it doesn't quite capture the idea that I have in my mind:

It speaks to me of the Lord's intimacy with us, and how He is so much more powerful than us. When our hearts fail, He is there to take us up, fold us into His arms, and carry us. This verse in Isaiah 40 always captures my attention:

He will feed His flock like a shepherd;
He will gather the lambs with His arm,
And carry them in His bosom,
And gently lead those who are with young

I've also been reading in Mark, and have been impressed with how often the Lord touched those in need and took them by the hand:

Peter's mother in law (Mark 1:31) So He came and took her by the hand and lifted her up, and immediately the fever left her. And she served them.

The ruler of the synagogue's daughter (Mark 5:41) Then He took the child by the hand, and said to her, “Talitha, cumi,” which is translated, “Little girl, I say to you, arise.”

But perhaps the most striking is this man's story (Mark 8:22-26):

Then He came to Bethsaida; and they brought a blind man to Him, and begged Him to touch him. So He took the blind man by the hand and led him out of the town. And when He had spit on his eyes and put His hands on him, He asked him if he saw anything.
And he looked up and said, “I see men like trees, walking.”
Then He put His hands on his eyes again and made him look up. And he was restored and saw everyone clearly. Then He sent him away to his house, saying, “Neither go into the town, nor tell anyone in the town.”

This man remind me of me: utterly helpless. Christ took him by the hand. He didn't let go. He led him out of the city. Then He healed him. He cared about that man enough to personally lead him out. He could have gotten a disciple to bring him along, but no. He stood by him, close, holding his hand. Probably touching his elbow, too; gently leading him along.

Like that man, I was blind, caught in the darkness of my sin. The Lord took me by the hand, He led me out of that dark city and into His light.

Still so often I am like that blind man, but in a different way. Cleansed from my sin, I still am blind to the purposes of the Lord. I shut Him out by thinking that I can do things my way, that my plans are best. The Lord does not become angry and leave me alone to wander in the blunder of my ways. He takes me by the hand. He leads me. I know that a God who cares for me that much, who looks at me with such love, can never leave me. He promised. His word is good. I just follow, trusting Him to lead me to that good land.

Provision

2011-03-12T14:15:00.000-06:00

I've been reading through the Bible in a year, and I admit that sometimes I am just reading to stay on schedule (or get back on schedule). But the other day, the Lord could not have been more clear when He pointed out this truth to me. It rather jumped from the page:

“For the LORD your God has blessed you in all the work of your hand. He knows your trudging through this great wilderness. These forty years the LORD your God has been with you; you have lacked nothing.” Deut. 2:7

This verse gave me such encouragement. The Lord KNOWS my trudging. Sometimes life seems so routine, so mundane, so much of the same thing. Sometimes my trudging is a result of living selfishly, sometimes a result of mixed up priorities. Sometimes my trudging is a result of a lack of patience. I stomp and scuffle more than I walk upright. But He knows my every weakness. He has been in the same situations. Sometimes I feel alone or empty in such a great wilderness. It seems barren, bleak and foreboding when I think about the evils that roam this world. But I am not alone in this wilderness. The LORD my God has been with me. And I have lacked nothing. I so often forget an attitude of thankfulness for all the blessings He has given me. When I am thankful, I am humbled, unable to show my gratitude for the immense depth His love has gone to reach me. I know that whatever comes ahead, my GOD is with me. I have lacked nothing in the past and I will lack nothing in the future. His rod and His staff they comfort me.
These verses, also in Deuteronomy (1:29-31), comfort me as I sally forth:

‘Do not be terrified, or afraid of them. The LORD your God, who goes before you, He will fight for you, according to all He did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness where you saw how the LORD your God carried you, as a man carries his son, in all the way that you went until you came to this place.’

The Lord carries me, gently, protectively. I am not alone. My trudging is not burdensome. The Lord picks me up as a small child, and all the way He leads me.

Last day of classes

2010-12-10T14:02:00.001-06:00

I should be studying, but I had to write to celebrate my last day of regular classes!! Next week I'm bombarded with tests and projects, but today was my last class! Of undergrad that is. and quite possibly, FOREVER. :) It's bittersweet though, I'm happy to be done but sad to leave all the good friends I've made at UNI. I guess I've learned (throughout my long and sageous life) that for everything there is a season. If things stayed the same all the time, that would bore me and I would become quite complacent and apathetic. Change is dynamic and exciting and brings new challenges to conquer. Yet, friendships also fade with those changes, and new ones are forged. I hate the fading, but I love the forging. I'm glad one day when we'll be in glory, and there will be no more goodbyes! I don't think there will be change in heaven, at least not drastic change. But how could you ever be bored, when you're in the presence of Perfection and so great a cloud of witnesses?

Refreshed.

2010-11-30T23:36:00.001-06:00

Tonight for the first time in a long time I went to the Navigators college group on campus. It wasn't that I had conflicts going on, it was just that I let studying, or hanging out with friends, have priority over this. I came away convicted, refreshed and encouraged to live a life of radical risks which proves radical faith, which gives radical, lasting joy to the believer.

Personally, I struggle with consistency in my walk with God. Sometimes I seem to catch a fire, and then other times I'm just a smoldering ember, glowing but not giving much light, red but not giving much heat. Sometimes I seem so far away, catching snatches of time with God. Giving Him fragments of my day.

For roughly 16 hours of the day my mind is spinning, but hardly ever rests on His faithfulness. For 16 hours I breathe and walk and think, but do not pause to thank Him for the ability to do so, to thank Him for the life He just bequeathed me with and does from moment to moment. For 16 hours of every day I don't take my head out of my little, insignificant, selfish world long enough to realize that there are hundreds of lost people around me every day, and dozens that I interact with without telling about the mercy and grace I've been given.

Tonight convicted me. Tonight strengthened me. Being with other believers, being exhorted to fight the good fight, to be desperate to see souls saved, that encouraged me. And I ask the Lord, give me that desperation to see those chained in darkness be freed by the same miraculous grace and mercy that You gave me. Let my life be lived out every day so that I honor You, reflecting You. Keep my eyes fixed on You, on eternity. Let this all fade away; all the riches, power, status and empty world-values that are drilled into me every day be garbage in my eyes.

Lord, I thank You that You give even more grace. When I stray far from You, You draw me close to yourself with cords of love.
This verse came to mind...

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her, and bring her into the wilderness, and speak to her heart." (Hosea 2:14, Darby translation)

Lord, I can never thank You enough, that when I fall, Your hand is there to catch me.

"When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong, because the LORD is the one who holds his hand." (Psalm 37:24, NASB)

I may push You out of my life, too wrapped up in my own selfish schedule, thoughts, or goals, but You pull me gently, quietly, tenderly to the wilderness where I can be with You, alone. You speak to my heart, watering the parched, arid desert that I turned it into. Lord, I do not deserve this love. And that is why it is even more precious.

Words of Wisdom from Rip Van Winkle

2010-11-08T18:33:00.002-06:00

Found this while I was reading Washington Irving's Rip Van Winkle.
Context: Rip is a cuckholded man who is married to a very harsh, critical woman. Someone I don't want to be.

A tart temper never mellows with age, and a sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener by constant use.

Hot wax.

2010-11-01T18:35:00.000-05:00

Let me preface this. (Usually I save my caveats for the end, but I think I should really let you know at the beginning this time). This is a bunch of rambling thoughts, the beginning of meditation. I'll hopefully post another blog when I've thought it out more.

I was reading something today in Spanish that mentioned Song of Solomon 8:6 "Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death."

In Spanish, it reads: "Ponme como un sello sobre tu corazón, como una marca sobre tu brazo; Porque fuerte es como la muerte el amor"

"sello" is the word translated "seal" in English. It means the same thing, but the first definition I learned for "sello" in Spanish class was postage stamp. That got me thinking about stamping, like what my mom likes to do. She likes to try to get me to enjoy crafty things, which I do to a point... Anyways, I remember learning how to stamp. I had to press the stamp down on the ink pad so hard to get the whole thing wet. Sometimes I had to press it several times if the inkpad was especially dry. Then I had to center the stamp, carefully place the stamp on the paper and press down carefully, evenly, and extremely hard. Only then did I get a beautiful stamp.

God says that He has sealed us. We are stamped with the Holy Spirit.

Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us is God, who also has sealed us and given us the Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee. -- 1 Cor 1:21-22

In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory. -- Ephesians 1:13-14

Now, I know from stamping experience that you have to put a lot of careful pressure and force to get stamping right. I submit to you that our lives are the same way. We have seal of the Holy Spirit, but that doesn't mean that it is an easy task. It takes pressure, it takes care, but we know that it will be beautiful in the end. The fashioning and shaping happening will have a Christ-like ending. There is nothing more masterful than that.

I also thought about letters back in the old days, before postage stamps. They had ways of securing and marking the "envelope". They really were called "seals" then. Often a king would have a fancy ring or something that he would press into hot wax, that way it was "sealed" with the King's seal. Hot wax; pressure; molding. Sounds painful. But with that seal, the whole world will know that we are Christ's. We are sealed. Imprinted with the King's seal.

Am I living up to the stamp on my heart?

Light on your... hands?

2010-10-20T13:18:00.002-05:00

This is taking Riverdance to a whole new level...

Give me your dreams, your desires.

2010-10-18T13:15:00.000-05:00

This has been one of my favorite songs during the past year.

dame tus ojos quiero ver
dame tus palabras quiero hablar
dame tu parecer...

dame tus pies yo quiero ir
dame tus deseos para sentir
dame tu parecer...

dame lo que necesito
para ser como tu

coro
dame tu voz dame tu aliento
toma mi tiempo es para ti
dame el camino que debo seguir
dame tus sueños tus anhelos
tus pensamientos
tu sentir
dame tu vida para vivir.

dejame ver lo q tu vez
dame de tu gracia, tu poder
dame tu corazon...

dejame ver en tu interior
para ser cambiado
por tu amor
dame tu corazon

dame lo q necesito
para ser como tu...

Now, in English... :)
Give me Your eyes, I want to see
Give me Your words, I want to speak.
Give me Your likeness...

Give me Your feet, I want to go
Give me Your desires so I can feel them too
Give me Your likeness...

Give me what is necessary
To be like You.

Chorus:
Give me Your voice, Give me Your breath
Take my time, it's for You
Give me the way in which to walk
Give me Your dreams, Your desires
Your thoughts
Your feelings
Give me Your life so I can live.

Let me see what You see
Give me Your grace, Your strength
Give me Your heart...

Let me see inside of You
So I can be changed by Your love
Give me Your heart.

Give me what I need
To be like You.

I have so many things to say about this song, but today I will write only the one which the Lord brought to me today:

It's like the Lord is saying, "Give ME your dreams and your desires. Mine are infinitely better than yours. My dreams are realities. What do you desire compared to what I desire? Give me Your confined, narrowed vision and I will give You my sweeping one. Let me give you My desire, that none should perish but all should come to repentance. You trust me with Your life? Let Me fashion it. Let Me shape it. Let Me guide it. I know you better than you know yourself. If you surrender your dreams and desires to Me, I will give you Mine. I am all-powerful, all-present, all-knowing. I will not let you slip. I have you in My hand. My Father has My hand in His. You are safe and you will be safe: yesterday, today, forever."

What an awesome God I serve. I do not deserve to even be in His presence but He has taken me and brought me to the most intimate fellowship with Him. Who am I that this Almighty Being should call me tenderly, should fashion my body in my mother's womb, should cause me to know grace and mercy? What love.

Trust in the LORD, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
Delight yourself also in the LORD,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Commit your way to the LORD,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass.

I know that I will never fully know all the desires of the Lord, but as I get to know Him better, I can't help but sing out His praises. How great are His thoughts toward us!

Today I learned something about my best friend:
He desires to see souls saved and eyes opened to the truth.
I Tim 2:3b-4

God our Savior...desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth.

I used to have all kinds of desires...
1. I used to desire to war and quarrel to obtain something for myself (James 4:1)
2. I used to desire to hear only what I wanted to hear and only what painted me in the best light (2 Tim 4:3)
3. I used to desire what would cater to the cravings of my lusting flesh and depraved mind (Ephesians 3)

But then, I became Christ's. I became one of those who are His and have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. (Gal. 5:24). I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. The life which I now live in the flesh I live by the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. (Gal 2:20).

I get shell-shocked when I take the time to think about how deeply I was entangled in sin, and how Christ didn't hold anything back to save me.

Now I have new desires.
1. I desire to come after Christ by denying myself, taking up my cross and following Him (Matt 16:24)
2. I desire to become great in His sight by becoming the last, the slave of all (Matt 20:26-27)
3. I desire to lose my life for Christ's sake, and the gospel's, for the reward is so much richer (Mark 8:35)

My old desires are dead, my new desires are to follow You. Lord, give me Your heart.

He is Faithful.

2010-09-30T09:07:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I feel downright discouraged. The pulls of life, the busy, hectic chaos, the mundane routine, pain and suffering, a world full of lost sheep. These are the things that make my heart heavy. That is when I search out again the promises of Faithful God.

God is not a man, that He should lie, nor a son of man that He should repent. Has he said and will He not do it? Has He spoken, and will He not make it good? -- Numbers 23:19

I hope these promises will lift your heart like it did mine. I hope it will spur you on in love and good deeds. I hope it will make you bask in the love of the Great Lover. You are His beloved.

Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you. Be undismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you. I will uphold you by My righteous right hand.

Philippians 4:19

And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Isaiah 26:3

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.

Habakkuk 2:14

For the earth will be filled with the knowledge of the glory of the LORD as the waters cover the sea.

2 Chronicles 20:15

Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's.

Psalm 72:17

His name shall endure forever. His name shall continue as long as the sun. And men shall be blessed in Him; All nations shall call him blessed.

Psalm 138:8

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me. Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of Your hands.

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.

Philippians 1:6

Being confident of this: that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

Seasons..

2010-09-28T16:08:00.000-05:00

My sorrow, when she's here with me,
thinks these dark days of autumn rain
are beautiful as days can be;
she loves the bare, the withered tree;
she walks the sodden pasture lane.

-Robert Frost

The heat of summer pounds on my head; the sun’s rays are ever so strong. Walking out of an air conditioned house the heat and humidity rush at me, encircling my body and pressing down on my shoulders. The skin on my face is tight and stings when I rub it. I touch my cheek and feel it flaming red. Wearing flip flops indented with my own print I jog down the steps out to the car, ready to go for a ride with the windows down and my hair undone. The slap-slap-slap of my flip flops on the red-hot asphalt joins in with the symphony of cicadas that circle around me.

I get in the car, light up the engine, and hit the road.

I drive out from the concrete jungle and into the breadbasket of America. Patchwork fields stretch out on both sides of the road, complementing each other on their shades of brown, green and gold. The wind ripples the browning wheat. The corn is turning dry and brittle before my eyes. Pockets of trees break up the fields, flaming yellow and red. I get out and walk a bit, crunching gravel beneath my feet. Solitary. A sharp wood smoke floats on the cold wind. I pull my scarf closer around my neck, hugging my sides as the loose hairs fly around my face. A brown leaf slowly sails through the air, being bolstered and buffeted at every turn. Finally it lights softly on the ground coming to rest at last. My sneaker pins it to the ground, a soft crackle escapes as if it took its last breath.

I get in the car, turn on the engine, and pull out onto the leaf-littered road.

Carefully closing the house door behind me, the sound cracks through the silence. I step gingerly in the footprints before me. My grandma’s house is dark and quiet. Pausing, I listen for some sound. Any sound. I feel my ears rising up from the rest of my face as they prick up at the void of noise. At last, I hear it. It’s the soft ping of a flake hitting the shoulder of my coat. Another. Another. The big farm light illuminates them as they fall; floating as if through water they settle on the ground. The new, fresh snow covers up the sunken three feet already on the ground. The delicate flakes land for a moment on my face and then dissolve like sugar when my warm breath strikes them. Shadows of the bare trees stretch across the snow-covered lawn like bony fingers reaching out to grab hold of something; I inch away, hoping it’s not me.

I get in the car, warm up the engine, and crunch onto the snow-packed road.

Stepping out into the coolness of the evening, I feel my adrenaline rise. Thunderheads are forming, mushrooming up in the sky, taking on a darker and darker shade. I close my eyes and breathe deeply. I can smell it coming. I tighten the laces on my shoes and leap off onto the trail. The wind picks up as trees fly by me, sporting their baby leaves. I thought I shook the ground, but it was the thunder rolling ahead of me. I take the storm’s energy and make it my own. My feet fly and my arms pump as I’m propelled ahead. I gasp and gulp in the rain-sweetened air. It starts to fall. Leaving spots on my shirt at first, it turns into a grand deluge. Every part of me is soaked, and I keep running. The trail is turning to mud so I peel off my shoes and socks and let my toes rejoice in the cool slime. A bolt lights up the sky and the thunder answers in reply. The terrain turns rocky, large boulders coated in green moss rise up on every side. My heart is pumping, pistons churning, screaming at 200 beats per minute. I slow, the rain still running down my face. I choose a high outcropping of rock.

Safe in the rock, my heart slows, I sit very still. And listen.

*Author's note* This poem/essay whatever it is is in the very beginning stages... thoughts would be appreciated! :)